Carnaval in Rio de Janeiro – The Biggest Party on Earth

If you do not know what Carnaval is (or maybe if you think you know what Carnaval is), you are missing out.

In short, this event can be described as nothing short of the offspring of Oktoberfest, St. Patrick’s Day, your 21st birthday (for Americans), and Halloween (indeed, it is quite the beast).

So now that Carnaval is over and I have spent the necessary 48 hours in a coma as a means of recovering from the irreversible physical and mental damage I have inflicted upon myself, I can finally share its majesty with you (or at least as much as I can remember).

Here is a quick briefing on Carnaval in Brazil: Carnaval comes 46 days before Lent and is (officially) a five-day celebration dating back to 1723 when the first festivals were held in Rio (supposedly). During Carnaval, the sum of things accomplished in Brazilian cities equates to approximately zero (unless you count the exploitation of gringos and the copious amount of cachaça, beer, and street food consumption). When you think about it, the country might need to take a few extra days to recover from the damage done during the celebration.

As good of a job as Rio de Janeiro does maintaining clean streets and beaches, things get so bad during the festivities that you cannot even go in the water (as in the ocean) following Carnaval (at least it is not suggested, and judging by the number of people I watched stand and pee and/or do other unspeakable things into the water, I would say that you should let nature take its course and wash away the grime before attempting to solicit attention in your sunga again).

All around Rio, starting as early as 7:00 am or as late as 8:00 pm, you can find events known as “blocos.”

A bloco is essentially a samba parade where bands and samba groups parade around Rio (accompanied by huge double-decker buses and elaborate floats). They go on all day and all over. They are the heart of “Carnaval de Rua” since the streets are overwhelmed by drunkards and samba (attempting to use public transportation is futile, especially after you account for your drunk bus driver – true story).

However, the blocos are mere babies compared to what takes place in the Sambódromo – a stadium for samba if there ever was one. The Sambódromo facilitates the annual competition between the samba schools of Rio, all of which train the entire year to compete during Carnaval.

What you can expect to see during a night at the Sambódromo (in the most American terms possible) is the Macy’s Day Parade on all of the MLB’s steroids mixed with the beer consumption of the Superbowl and The Fourth combined, showered in rainbows, costumes, and, of course, samba music.

The city runs aggressive campaigns to deter people from urinating in the streets (they even have television spots). To their credit, they do a relatively decent job of providing accessible restroom facilities throughout the city (although I must say, the griminess and straight unconscionable acts I witness on, in and around said facilities could deter even the most well-intentioned partygoers from using them).

I believe I heard that somewhere in the neighborhood of six to eight hundred people were detained for public urination, and I can proudly say that I was not one of them (caught, that is), and if I was, I don’t remember (so it doesn’t count).

Carnaval is not for everyone, though, and you must know your limits when signing up for this one-of-a-kind have-the-best-time-ever contest.

When the AM rolls around (sunrise was, I think, around seven? Maybe earlier?), people make their way down the beach, where the party continues for some and stops for others. No matter what someone’s status may be at the end of the night (DOA, MIA, BAC, NPC), they all go forward with the knowledge that once awoken, they will have the chance to do it all over again.

They can then choose to right any wrongs they may have committed, to keep up the good work, or to dig themselves into a deeper hole of shame and regret.

Watching the sunrise over the ocean is more sobering than all the water and bread I could ever consume while napping on the bathroom floor. It is also a great indicator of when to take a nap, as it means that you have lapped the festivities and need to slow down to keep pace.

Ultimately, I have to say that Carnaval is, in fact, the largest party I have ever attended, and I encourage you all to come to experience it for yourselves.