How To Shit In The Woods
Reading Time: 3 minutes If you would like to find out how to actually shit in the woods, then check out part two of this series: How To ACTUALLY Shit In The Woods.
Besides being the title of a promising but incredibly disappointing and outdated book (yes, pooping in the woods has come quite a long way), how to shit in the woods is a very real problem for many hikers around the world.
I still don’t know why something as trivial as whether or not your specialized ultralight multi-function compass can also start fires (when you already have matches and a lighter), but something as important (and relevant) as bowel movements are brushed to the wayside because such topics of conversation make the prude in us uneasy.
The combat the marginalization of the bathroom subjects in the backwoods, I have chosen to share with you some of the most intimate moments in my life; yes, the moments I spend thinking about the moments I am dropping children off at the pool (or in this case, into a quarry). If this subject makes you uncomfortable, then you should really loosen up (get it?), and realize that by addressing your questions (because I know you have them) early on, you can avoid countless problems (including chafe and BEAR attack) down the line.
Digging Your Hole
Stage one in successfully executing a backwoods poop is digging a hole.
That’s right, simply plopping (or squirting) one out onto the ground is not advisable, nor is it by any means the “correct” way of doing things.
The hole you will dig serves various purposes, including facilitating the successful decomposition of your composition, ensuring your waste stays out of water supplies and off hiker boots, and finally, preventing your rear from coming in contact with your production of chocolaty mass.
Using your hands, a trowel, spork, or something equally dig-worthy, dig your cathole in the earth. Ensure that you are an adequate distance from any water sources, trails, or campsites (200 feet or more), that the hole should be at least six inches deep and about six inches wide (for aiming purposes), and that if you dispose of your store-bought toilet paper in the hole, that it somehow magically comes to rest beneath your poop. How? I will have to do some experimenting.
Make sure to bury it (and to stir that shit up with a stick beforehand)!
The Aftermath
Then there is, of course, the cleanup.
How to cleanse your rear of fecal matter and dingleberries, how to return your hands to a state worthy of once again shoveling food into your mouth, and how to properly deal with the small toxic landfill you’ve just produced.
Hand sanitizer is a must-have in these situations, and using it will (hopefully) kill any giardia or other foul bacteria, virus, or parasite that may have escaped your intestines and somehow made it onto your hand (poor wiping technique?).
Have fun out there, guys!
I am surprised that for hikers who can deal w/o running water or porcelain fixtures the TP ranks so high on the totem pole of importance. TP being right after WATER?? Sure, when available it does comes in handy, otherwise why bother with it if you have leaves, dry sticks or even rocks all around? IMHO the procedure’s method is way more important than the material used. . .
Well, Hiker Tom, I guess we just have to accept that our anuses live very different lives.
“hand sanitizer” is not a must. Soap will do. If you don’t have soap, you can rub soil on your hands, and then wash it off with water. Benign bacteria in the soil will kill most harmful microbes. People who use anti bacterial soaps get more stomach bugs than those who don’t. The most probable reason is that they think anti bacterial spray is a substitute for washing, but also they are killing the benign microbes which we need
Yes, but soap is not the most convenient of things to use in the backcountry, and not everywhere has nice, benign bacteria filled soil for you douse your hands in after relieving yourself.
why stir?
Secret of the pros.